Life Blood

USA, 2009
aka Pearblossom aka Murder World

Director: Ron Carlson
Starring: Sophie Monk, Anya Lahiri, Angela Lindvall
IMDB: 4.1

Writer/Director Ron Carlson is obviously a guy who knows what the fans want. And with Life Blood he has shown a commendable and refreshing lack of restraint in providing it. However, adjectives such as subtle, tasteful, or nuanced won't be required in this particular review.

The recipe is simple - hot lesbian vampire chicks doing what you want them to - toying with hapless male victims, sucking blood, and inbetween times getting it on with each other. Throw in a dash of gore, a few creative kills, and sprinkle with humor to bake up a tasty dish of wholesome exploitation.

But as any chef will tell you, the secret is in using quality ingredients, and this is undoubtedly a low-budget affair. The movie starts a little slowly, and its obvious early on that the acting and script are low budget. Luckily, it was only 2 minutes and 9 seconds into the movie before we see Rhea (Anya Lahiri) passionately kissing her girlfriend Brooke (Sophie Monk) ... so I hung in there.

The plot is suitably diabolical - basically the girls hit a New Years Eve party in 1969, things go awry, they get killed, God steps in and resurrects them, then transports them 40 years into the future ... as vampires.

Lesbian vampire angels to be exact - one good, one bad. Conveniently, the girls lost their clothes somewhere in the space/time continuum, so they're forced to wander the desert in their lingerie. Heh, don't you just love seedily contrived plot devices?

Oh yeah... turns out God (Victoria's Secret supermodel Angela Lindvall) is not only a woman, but apparently a lesbian vampire too. So God and Rhea have a bit of a vampiric pash before she sends her on her way.

As sharp-eyed readers will have noted, this is total trash - but deliberately so, and it never takes itself seriously. Unfortunately, the film doesn't pull the exploitation thing off particularly successfully - probably needed to get a bit more twisted. And for a movie that 1) Has a script with an undoubtedly exploitational tone, and 2) is firmly targeted at the male (or lesbian) demographic, the tameness of the lesbonics and lack of nudity is an unforgivable crime. This seems to be a trend with U.S genre movies these days, all promise and no delivery.

However, it does have its moments. Like when Brooke slithers up to the hapless gas station attendant, pout and boobs in full effect, and coos "You still wanna get up in this shit?". In fact, I have to give props here to Sophie Monk - who actually turns in a pretty good performance.

Now I could easily make a wisecrack here about her being the best actor in the film, and how that revelation might enlighten readers to the quality on offer here. However that would in fact be slightly unfair to Miss Monk, who really is quite good in her role and enhances the movie's appeal considerably.

While I applaud the intentions of the film-makers to make this seedy kind of exploitation horror flick, it's not likely to make anyone's best-of lists. It is however, good trashy fun at times - there is plenty of dark humour and twisted scenarios, although spoiled somewhat with lame and ineffective dialogue in some scenes. Genre aficionados will likely leave the table less than satisfied, and of course the popcorn crowd should stay far far away.

Rating: 5/10

Original Poster Art


Ventilation Shaft said...

So God is a lesbian vampire, huh? Who knew?

I agree with you wholeheartedly on the "all promise and no delivery" thing. It really pains me to see so many potentially awesome ideas (like "Bitch Slap" for example) basically thrown to waste because of tameness. If you don't plan on finishing what you started, don't start it at all.

iZombie said...

i don't know anything about this film, but my zombie is standing to attention...

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